Swimming Trunk

"Hey dude!! Fuckin' wear your trunk!"

"Jealous?"



.

The Starting of The Ending

Hello everybody. Going well? Nice weather. Chocolate bar? This is Sue speaking. What? I sound weird?

Well yes I do =.= Finished one General paper today. It was…fine. Yes, fine. As in, fiiiiine. But heck, it’s just the starting of this examination and I feel so fucking fatigue. ><

And not to mention my normal routine of falling sick at the eve of every single examination. From the small monthly insignificant test, to midterm exams, finals, trials to major government examination. =.=

It is so goddamn annoying. You have to take medicine, and then when you want to do some last minute studies, you just can’t. Because you have to sleep due to the drowsiness caused by the tablets; but you can’t stop the medication, because it will get worse, and then will affect your upcoming papers! Fucked up. *sigh*

Tomorrow will be Physics Paper 1, and General Paper 2. Well, the only day with two papers. Scratch through tomorrow, I will feel better I suppose.

Today wasn’t entirely a bad day; it was all worthwhile when it comes to the afternoon XD

Ting ting!!! Gotta go! Screw tomorrow!!

*cackles madly and fades away*

Mood:

Unstable

Goodbye to You (Michelle Branch)

A very beautiful song. The rhythm, the meaning of the lyrics.

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

Mood:

Uncertain

Another Just-to-preserve- my-sanity-from-major-exam-blog-post

Wow. Nice title. *admires* =P

It’s been awhile since I last post an entry to this blog. Well, I don’t feel much philosophical right now, so this will be another not-so-formal-entry. :P Next week is my judgment day. I mean, judgment week. Or whatever you call it. Fuck STPM. Honestly, I can't take it anymore =.= this is fucking annoying. This will be the first time you guys seeing Sue screwing up in major examination. Mark my words. I know my own business. If I go all out, heck it wouldn’t make a difference. =.= okay it will. But not much. *silence* well, whatever.

Let’s move on to a more cheerful topic—ice cream!! Haha…yeah. Do not try to resist its charm! You know you want it! =P Baskin Robins…ahhhh. I just took one today. It forever tastes so friggin nice. Well, yes its fucking expensive, I know that. Two scopes it costs 15 bucks. That’s hell a lot for two scoops =.= but then again its worth it!! The texture of the ice cream, the way it melts slowly in your mouth, the way it pampers your taste buds…the cooling effect, the combination of amazing flavour…argh shit. I need ice cream now. *excuse me* XD

Okay I'm back. Nope. No ice cream. I ended up with chocolate from Russia that my dad bought when he went there for a dealer’s trip. But heck, bitter chocolate tastes so fine. *savouring* I remember there was once I tried this chocolate with wine filling. It tasted just so fucking awesome!! Well, too bad, there were just a few. My aunt bought them from Australia, and I can't seem to find it till now. *shrugs* but do you know Beryl’s Camior extra fine bittersweet chocolate is easily affordable and yet it taste so goddamn good? Just head to your nearest 7-eleven, check out the counter and this long rectangular black box. It’s just RM2.60!

Well, back to my boring life. Err, no—on second thought, I don’t think my life is boring. *confused* it was really happening. Well, in a wrong way I suppose. It was all jumbled up last month. But fuck it, I'm through. XD All those rubbish about betrayal and disappointments, are things we just have to go through. And though it sounds so damn annoying, “The outside world is more dangerous, Sue Anne. You look at the newspaper! You wait till you start to work! Everyone is trying to eat you!” quote my mother. But of course she didn’t mean the last part literally, but heck its true. What I’ve seen till now is nothing. =.=

With exam approaching, I should focus on my preparations, naturally. But just like everyone, laziness tuning in XD human nature, human nature. Haha…but sometimes I do wish I can have this real life ‘block’ function in MSN Messenger. To block out some…bothersome people, who has caused enough chaos in my pitiful life. And this fraud calls me, “my dear friend”. He probably repeats that in every single sentence he says. Goodness gracious—give me a break. Firstly I'm no more yours, and I am not fucking dear to you, and no, since which decade we were friends?! Go get a life dude, I’ve moved on. =.=

*yawns* seriously, life sucks whenever there is major examination like STPM. I think I need to go and…*disgusted face*…study.

Yeah, study.

Fuck Pengajian Am.

Mood:

Kinky

Cinta Tiada Akhirnya (Jaclyn Victor)

A/N: This is a song recommended by Dixon, which i eventually found out that it was just incredibly awesome. Give it a try--it touched my heart.

Ku yakin cintaku ini
Tak bisa melangkah pergi
Kaku berdiri di sini
Menanti lafaz kasihmu
Biar kau akui dan aku
Kekasihmu

Gelora asmara tika bersama
Bunga mekar seluruh semestanya
Mimpi indah kita
Bintang berwarna
Janji setia kita
Selama di taman cinta

Cinta tiada akhirnya
Membara kekal ke syurgamu
Tak usah kau raguiku
Sayangku dengarkan kasih
Aku milikmu selamanya
Percayalah

Gelora asmara tika bersama
Bunga mekar seluruh semestanya
Mimpi indah kita
Bintang berwarna
Janji setia kita
Selamanya

Kasih antara kita
Tercipta abadinya
Mungkin memisahkan aku dan dia
Ukir namaku dalam
Cintamu selamanya
Biar semarakkan kasihmu
Selalu

Gelora asmara tika bersama
Bunga mekar seluruh semestanya
Mimpi indah kita
Bintang berwarna
Janji setia kita
Selamanya

Gelora asmara tika bersama
Bunga mekar seluruh semestanya
Mimpi indah kita
Bintang berwarna
Janji setia kita…
Selama di taman cinta…di taman cinta

Mood:

Smittened

The Reason I Cried

Tears formed can be of any reason. People can cry for every reason. And when you do, a rush of emotion run through your body, as if it was channeled from your veins into your blood arteries and sent directly into your heart. The gush of tears, the heaving chest, the sudden eruption. Who hasn’t felt it before, who actually manage to avoid it at all?

You cry when you feel helpless, when you feel so torn inside, when you think everything is falling apart. Your heart is broken into pieces; your mind doesn’t seem to function. You let emotion wash you over. And that’s when your body takes charge. You cry. You let go.

Sometimes you let it flow quietly. Sometimes you’ve just got to sob. There are even times where you couldn’t control—you break down. You cry, you wail, you hide yourself under your blanket…or you just sit in a corner and bury your face in your hands. The slash made you feel, that poignant pain right there, inside you.

Yes, I do cry like that. I used to cry like this, as if it is the end of the world. But this time, no. It wasn’t painful, nor is it bleeding inside. This time, it is reconcilement. It rebuilds, it heals. I cry because of appreciation and gratitude. You made me understand. You made me realize it wasn’t the end of everything. You reminded me that I won the battle, so I shouldn’t lose to myself.

When it all happens I was so lost. I shut myself out. I build barriers so high that even blocked out the happiness that I deserved. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of pain. I didn’t want to try again; I just didn’t want to bet. It was cowardice. I thought it will be better to hold on to all the chips I have in hand, rather than betting it all once. For it might double, or I will lose everything—again.

But you ensured me it won't. You relished the pain. You mended the broken heart. You taught me how is it to smile again. And then I learnt to feel the joy life can bring.

I cried. But I wasn’t sad. I was happy that I cried—for these tears shed made me realized:

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.”

Mood:

Resolved

Happy Birthday to Me

Yeah...pathetic I know.
But I just wanna wish myself: a very happy birthday, Sue.

Time to grow up, look ahead, let the past be the past, strive for your goal (or gold), and smile always.

Ahhh...yes. HAHA...

25 Things I Hope to Do After This Birthday:

1. Unfortunately, I still have to sit for STPM. Haha…damn the timing. So, I would hope that I can study more. XD because I know I'm simply not doing enough.
2. So all the following, will be post-examination. Now the very first thing I wanna do after I finish my STPM, is BURN THE FUCKING TEXTBOOKS!!!
3. Okay…then I will want to swear a chain of very colourful vulgar words at Chemistry and Physics. And then bid my farewell to them. I'm leaving you for business!! Argh, I’ve had enough of Sciences!!
4. Next will be whacking my brother in his head with his new Form 4 AddMaths book, then stuck my tongue out and say, “Goddamn you, now I’M freeeee~”
5. Fifth! Go out!! Shopping! Movie! Ice cream! Whatever! Just out of the house!! XD
6. Bug my dad for a new guitar.
7. Search for scholarships and suitable courses.
8. Resume my very big writing project of Disguised Ambiguity. ><
9. Finish the short story of “Journal”.
10. Sign up for vocal training classes.
11. Go back to KL, meet all my old, precious friends.
12. Attend my primary school gathering.
13. Sleep A LOT.
14. Go to William’s with eMamakers.
15. Go jam with Faiz.
16. Watch Heroes.
    
17. Bug my dad again for the damned guitar.
18. Celebrate brother’s birthday.
19. Celebrate Chun How’s birthday.
20. Celebrate my own birthday again. XD well, hey!! It’s not fair isn’t!? My birthday is right at the eve of everyone’s finals!
21. Makeover for my hair.
22. Learn those troublesome cyber codes for eMamak.
23. Swimming!!!
24. Learn how to not blink in 20 seconds.
    
25. I really want that new guitar. *grin*

Mood:

Joy

Sue Rambles

I’m bored. Okay, it might seem to be the lamest starter ever, but heck, I AM bored. Have been fiddling around a lot. Posting every single replies to the thread I came across in eMamak, chatting with people in my contact list that I don’t chat at all for like 2 years, messing around in Facebook…my goodness sue. STPM is fucking around the corner. Hell, it is just lurking at the corner and is watching for any opportunity to strike and ambush you. And you are not asleep yet.

This will be the first not-so-formal-post in this blog. First I love to write. Fanfictions of course. But my inspiration kind of dried off for like…2 months already. Because of what, I don’t know. *silence* Okay okay… I think I know the reason. It’s just that I love to live in denial.

Heck, I lived in denial for like—one and a half year? You have no idea what kind of emotions combo I’ve had in these few weeks. Anger, hurt, disappointment, gratitude, lost, sorrow, uncertainty, frustration, fear…hatred. These turmoil of emotions are deranging. When it attacks, you feel so overwhelmed that you feel sick. You get so frustrated and emotional like you wanna kick the wall. (Yes I know that hurts, which is the only thing prevented me from doing so.)

I’ve seen many different faces in just a few weeks. The true colours of people around me. Apparently, what you see is not always what you get. And what you give can never weigh the same as what you will have. See, life is just—unfair. If you give all your heart to anyone, to those gullible people outside, never do that. If you are lucky—very very lucky, you get a person who will know just how to take care of your pity heart. Well, if you just have a tad bit of luck, people take your heart, smile and say thank you, then leave it to rot. If you are just like anyone out there with an average level of luck, to the wrong hands you land your heart with, be prepared. Be prepared to get your heart ripped into pieces by their filthy bare hands. In the process, they take away hope, faith, and your balance in life.

I'm whining too much, really. Yes I know, there are people would have been through worse. And it wouldn’t be fair to say that what I’ve been through was totally terrible. At least, among all the things I’ve lost, I gain things that I knew have always belonged to me. It was just because I lived in denial. I abandoned such wonderful things.

My freedom, my smile, my maturity, my true friends. (Shit, it sounded so goddamn corny. And Sue does not write corny shit.)

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has expressed their sincere concern towards me. I’m coping fine; I'm living my life like I’ve never breath before. I'm back to my old self—and guys, I'm home.

Mood:

Thankful

The Trouble With Love Is

Love can be a many splendor thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool you every time

Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps calling and I keep on falling
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standing in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Mood:

Grey

What's Life All About

What is life all about? Now you must have come across some mushy and corny kind of writings where life is wonderful, its all sunshine rose and ice cream. Well, yes, it is when your life is under a warm sun, beside a rose garden and opposite of ice cream parlor. So under various circumstances, life won't be easy as you won't be able to fulfill all the above requirements.

No, please do not regard me as partially retarded or temporarily gone mad. It meant figuratively okay…though I quite agree that having an ice cream parlor right opposite is bliss. So what’s life all about?

Life—is about treachery. Oh yes, do not be too surprised. Take a look around and you will be able to recognize all the signs of tricks your mates and rivals set up for you. But first of all why do people choose to live in pretense but reality? It’s logical, really, simply because no one can survive if they don’t act. It is human nature to always try to compare themselves with others. But do not forget the key element—jealousy. Or rather, selfishness fits too. When people find out that others are better, they work to ‘upgrade’ themselves. It’s a known fact that upgrading yourself sometimes can be so tiring and cumbersome. And hence, because of human’s habit to deceit and cheat all the way to go for an easier route, they ‘downgrade’ other people instead of ‘upgrading’ themselves. To be simple, this act is defined as back stab.

Do not look down on these people. I refer them as, “smart ass”. They are smart because they used the easiest and the most effortless way to get what they want. And they are all asses because it was so unethical :P. And so when others seem worse, they’ll be in a better light.

When there is a positive, there must be a negative. As in, when there are smart asses, there will be dumb asses. They are separated into two leads. One, are those who got stabbed and still regard the stabber as friend. And two, are those who believe the stabbers. Believe it or not the world is a cycle. Everyone takes each role at least once. So don’t be too sad or too proud to be either one because either way you are still an ass. =P

Quote Captain Jack Sparrow, “To fight pirates you must first be a pirate.” I find this sentence so true. The only way to fight smart asses is to be another smart ass. This is the basic survival skills that God gave us. So when everyone around is cheating, there is no need to be a hypocrite to pretend to be all holy and noble. Therefore, this is the reason I generalize that life, is indeed about treachery.

So the moral of the story is, watch Pirates of Caribbean because Captain Jack Sparrow is always right.

Savvy?

Mood:

Neutral