I’m bored. Okay, it might seem to be the lamest starter ever, but heck, I AM bored. Have been fiddling around a lot. Posting every single replies to the thread I came across in eMamak, chatting with people in my contact list that I don’t chat at all for like 2 years, messing around in Facebook…my goodness sue. STPM is fucking around the corner. Hell, it is just lurking at the corner and is watching for any opportunity to strike and ambush you. And you are not asleep yet.
This will be the first not-so-formal-post in this blog. First I love to write. Fanfictions of course. But my inspiration kind of dried off for like…2 months already. Because of what, I don’t know. *silence* Okay okay… I think I know the reason. It’s just that I love to live in denial.
Heck, I lived in denial for like—one and a half year? You have no idea what kind of emotions combo I’ve had in these few weeks. Anger, hurt, disappointment, gratitude, lost, sorrow, uncertainty, frustration, fear…hatred. These turmoil of emotions are deranging. When it attacks, you feel so overwhelmed that you feel sick. You get so frustrated and emotional like you wanna kick the wall. (Yes I know that hurts, which is the only thing prevented me from doing so.)
I’ve seen many different faces in just a few weeks. The true colours of people around me. Apparently, what you see is not always what you get. And what you give can never weigh the same as what you will have. See, life is just—unfair. If you give all your heart to anyone, to those gullible people outside, never do that. If you are lucky—very very lucky, you get a person who will know just how to take care of your pity heart. Well, if you just have a tad bit of luck, people take your heart, smile and say thank you, then leave it to rot. If you are just like anyone out there with an average level of luck, to the wrong hands you land your heart with, be prepared. Be prepared to get your heart ripped into pieces by their filthy bare hands. In the process, they take away hope, faith, and your balance in life.
I'm whining too much, really. Yes I know, there are people would have been through worse. And it wouldn’t be fair to say that what I’ve been through was totally terrible. At least, among all the things I’ve lost, I gain things that I knew have always belonged to me. It was just because I lived in denial. I abandoned such wonderful things.
My freedom, my smile, my maturity, my true friends. (Shit, it sounded so goddamn corny. And Sue does not write corny shit.)
Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has expressed their sincere concern towards me. I’m coping fine; I'm living my life like I’ve never breath before. I'm back to my old self—and guys, I'm home.
No comments:
Post a Comment